Legal Quandary

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Hey Lady With The Scissors In Your Hand...

I have an appointment later today to get my hair cut. My last hair cut was back in September, and the experience was so bad that I had decided to wait until March to get my next one. Why March? Because I’m going back to Nebraska for a visit and know my old stylist can give me a decent cut. (This is where all you stylists on the West Coast recognize the inherent wrongness of that statement and feel ashamed.)

At any rate, I can’t stand it anymore, so I made the appointment with a new salon. As such, I’d like to lay out some of my expectations for the new stylist. I’ve agreed to pay an exorbitant amount of money for this haircut, so I feel it’s only fair that I get to make a couple of demands. Here goes:

Dear Ms. New Stylist –

Hi! I’m sure you are totally awesome and will not need to be told any of these things. On the other hand – if you look around our fair city and see what other stylists have done to some of these people, I’m sure you’ll understand my concerns. But before we get the scissors flying, I just wanted to let you know where I stand. Recognize that I am a law student. Beginning to cut my tresses implies an agreement to do the following:

1) Help me find a suitable hairstyle which will look good on me 6 months from now, and then give me a cut today that will help me get there. I’ve been a victim of some of your colleagues, and have a little recovering to do. But I’d rather have a plan for this recovery. If this means I need to just get a trim today and come back in a few months, that’s fine – just tell me.

2) Help me to settle once and for all the question of “to bang or not to bang?” Can I pull this look off or is my forehead just too big and ugly for looking at? And yes, part of me recognizes that if I have to ask, I probably already know the answer.

3) Be nice to me. Make me feel pretty and important. When I’m there, pay attention to me. This is not your chance to get caught up on gossiping with your co-workers. You see them every freaking day.

4) Understand that I have had really bad experiences with stylists in this city. Most of them seem to have either missed or failed that block entitled “Styling – How to Make Your Client Look Like They Just Left The Salon.” Part of what I’m paying for is the mystique of leaving looking better than when I came in.

5) I have potentially awesome hair. It is a little longer than shoulder length, very thick, and naturally wavy. Please help me do something with it that makes use of these characteristics. When you give me a cut/style that requires 20 products, a hair dryer, and a straightening iron, THIS DOES ME NO GOOD. Did I mention I’m a law student? I have no time for that kind of nonsense. I also live in a city where it rains most days of the year – any straightening I do will not last the day. However, if you can recommend a good product – maybe two – which will help my hair not be frizzy, I would appreciate it.

6) Ask me how I part my hair. I have never gotten a good cut from someone who parts down the middle and starts chopping away.

7) I will likely show up wearing my hair pulled back in some manner. I would still like to be able to pull my hair back. With that said – just because I want the ubiquitous ponytail to be “an” option, I do not want it to be the only option. Please give me a cut I can stand wearing down.

8) Under no circumstances will you cut any part of my hair (other than the bangs, depending on how we decide item 2), shorter than chin length. The waviness of my hair makes anything shorter than this look like wings on the sides of my head. I make be fashion learning impaired, but I know enough to recognize that’s not a good look for anyone. Also, this interferes with #7, above.

Ok – that’s all for now. If I think of anything else, you can be pretty sure I’ll let you know. I’m looking forward to meeting you later today. After reading this, I hope you still feel the same.



Obviously, we've been to the same stylists -- or at least of similar ilk! I think the only times I ever left a salon feeling like they styled my hair better than I could was when I actually had shorter hair (i.e. too short for a ponytail). I now just grit my teeth and know that it'll be fine when *I* wash it and style it. I would like that not to be so, however.
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