Legal Quandary

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

LQ Expose, Volume 1, Issue 2

This is where I google and ~~make fun of~~ catch up with my former classmates.

Our current ~~victim~~ candidate: a guy I went to High School AND College with, we'll call him "Thad". We were on swim team together in High School and hated each other. With a passion. When he showed up in my Biology class in College, he seemed less ~~of an asshole~~ immature. We would even hang out from time to time, until he abruptly left school to ~~support his drug habit~~ "join the Army."

LQ: So, Thad, what have you been up to?
Thad: Well, I'm a successful business man. As you can see by my ad, I've been working in real estate. I'm a multi-million dollar producer and a member of the 100% Club.
LQ: What the hell is the 100% Club?
Thad: Have no idea. The Big/Ass Real Estate Company just tells us all to put this on our advertising.
LQ: Uh, great, well, since you brought it up, it also says in your ad that you love several things.
Thad: That's right, LQ, I love God, Country, Family, Football, and Beer. In that order. You see, when it comes right down to it, I'm just a regular guy.
LQ: Do you find that advertising your love of beer helps you in your business?
Thad: Oh, absolutely! People feel like they can relate to me - like I'm just a regular guy. Some people, especially in these parts, would even consider a common love of beer to be a prerequisite for making a purchase of as large as $5000. Real estate's a very competitive market. The beer issue is a tie breaker at the very least.
LQ: Uh-huh. Well, there you have it folks. Let's check out Thad's ad so we can see some of the ~~shitholes~~ fine homes that have helped make Thad a multi-million dollar producer: