Legal Quandary

When I Am A Graduate

I am sitting in the library trying to study. I never realized the library was such a noisy place until today. People with sniffly summer colds and the guy across from me who keeps shoving Dots into his fat maw and chewing loudly are enough to make me cranky.

Or perhaps they just inspire me. I've said it before and I'll say it again - us Quandaries ain't too lit-ur-ary. But maybe this doesn't suck too much.*

When I am a graduate I shall be obnoxious
For no particular reason other than to irritate law students,
And I shall spend my money on liquor and a new Ipod with lousy headphones, and I shall smack my chewing gum loudly.
I shall sit down in the library during finals week And gobble
up candy and chips and steal study materials
And turn up the sound on all the public computers And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go about the school in inappropriate dress
And deny that I’ve gotten fat but say I’m just too sexy
And I’ll learn to spit. You can wear terrible shirts and
grow more fat And eat three Chipotle burritos at a go
Or only pizza and beer for a week
And hoard pens and dry erase markers
because it annoys the professors.

But now I must beat the law into my head And pay my
towering debt and not swear too loudly. And set a good example for the children. I will whisper in the library and read all my cases. But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am a graduate and am obnoxious.

* With profound apologies to whoever wrote "When I Am An Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple."

posted by Legal Quandary at 18:52