Legal Quandary

Monday, March 20, 2006

Dear Lost People -

I guess I strike you as approachable, and I'm flattered - truly - that you think I project an aura of knowing where I'm going.

But you have no idea.

I give the worst directions on the planet. (Ask my friends.) I rarely take the most direct route to get anywhere. I have an amazing ability to get lost. I also have absolutely NO CONCEPT of East, West, North & South. Seriously - you may as well be speaking a foreign language. Sometimes when I really need to get someplace, I think about what direction I THINK I need to go - and then go the opposite direction because I KNOW I have a lousy sense of direction. Unless I'm in a mall - for some reason there, I instinctively know how to get exactly where I want to go. Which isn't especially useful, since I hate to shop.

So, when you see me walking my child to daycare, waiting at an intersection for the light to change, or riding on the Metro, take note. I am not driving. This might be a pretty good clue that I have no idea how to get where I'm going. Well, that and the blank stare you'll get when you ask for directions anyway.

I see your aura and raise you MY aura...

For some reason, throngs of Germans kept asking me for directions during the semester I spent there. So profound was my aura of authority that they weren't even put off by my complete inability to speak German (which should have given them a hint that I probably also didn't know where anything was).

But lo, they were undeterred. The fools!
People also seem to ask me for directions. It is the aura of self-confidence, even when wandering around while squinting to read street signs. Sadly, I have absolutely no sense of direction. I am convinced that North, etc. move. I got lost trying to get from the law school to health services (hint, it is the next building over).
Cathy - that IS impressive - especially since most Germans can spot an American from 100 meters.

For the uninitiated - it's totally true. Germans can tell we're American just by the way we dress and walk. Every time we go to Germany, Mr. Q tries hard to imitate the little German mannerisms but never manages to "pass" as German. It drives him insane.

It still usually takes me a week or so before I can blend in. Until then, I just deal with everyone being somewhat shocked when I open my mouth to speak - and my German is actually pretty decent.
Hi LQ,
Thank you for your encouraging message. I am not (quite) back yet. I finally have some time and strength & access to internet, but I am still (not) there.

The clouds have parted a little but the sun isn't fully shining yet. I will keep you posted and thank you again for being my pillar of strength.

With love,
The reason you don't have a problem in the mall is because every mall you would even bother with has a Starbucks, and you are able to triangluate distance and vector by the smell of the coffee.

Just a thought.
Hahaha! That's awesome!

What's triangulation?
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