Legal Quandary

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

In Which I Blatantly Violate the "What Goes TDY, Stays TDY" Rule

I just listened to Denise's Birthday podcast over at Ambimb's place. Yeah, yeah - I know I'm behind the times, but I'm studying - cut me some slack.

She talked about blowjobs during her podcast. The drink, not the act, you pervs. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Denise mentioned she didn't know what was in a blowjob, but quite accurately described the technique for consuming one. Her podcast reminded me of one of my Air Force tdy's (temporary duty, for all you non-military types).

A bunch of us had gone to Colorado Springs for an awards ceremony and to meet with some folks from our MAJCOM. Part of our group was staying at the Radisson, where they give you these coupons for free drinks. So obviously, that's where we went to drink. For some reason the group decided it was time for one of my friends to get good and drunk, so they started buying her drinks. A blowjob was one of the ones ordered for her.

The Radisson bartender also didn't know what was in a blowjob (and there's actually several different ways you can make it - just kahlua, kahlua and vodka, kahlua and irish cream, and probably other variations). But all of them have to be served 1) in a shot glass and 2) topped with whipped cream, and then 3) drunk without using your hands. The bartender got it mostly right, but didn't have any shot glasses (wtf?) and substituted a rocks glass. A rocks glass is NOT a shot glass - not even close. And unless you have a mouth of huge proportions, there's no way you're going to be able to consume your blowjob properly. [Insert joke here.]

However, my friend was a good sport and did her damndest, but ended up laughing so hard that she wasn't able to drink it. She spit most of it out, but some of it came back out her nose. She decided at that point that she was done drinking for the night.

So the blowjob just sat there until one of the commanders started talking about his unit coins.* I forget which one of the group wanted that particular coin, but he asked what he would have to do to get it. The commander just pointed to the drink. We got the bartender to add some more whipped cream and the guy took the drink and got the coin. I sure hope it was worth it.

Question: What do you call a recycled blowjob? Answer: Sloppy Seconds.

* Military tradition - units have coins as symbols of membership/camaraderie. Commanders give them out to people for winning awards, sucking up properly, whatever. The other tradition that goes along with it is that you always have to carry yours with you. If someone else throws a coin out on the bar (a coin check), whoever doesn't have theirs has to buy. You carry your own unit coin and try to trade for others.

Heh. You said insert.
Excellent story! I was going to make some comment about sloppy seconds, but ... no.

When they first served the blow job that I described in my podcast they served it in a rocks glass. I looked down at it, looked back up at the bartender and just laughed. The other bartender looked over and realized what the problem was and immediately corrected it. I didn't even try to open my mouth that wide. [recycle joke here].
Thanks for listening! I'm glad I could help revive a fun memory/story!

I think you and E. Spat. should join with me in posting military stories!
If I think of any more good ones, I will be sure to post them. But probably after finals. I'll try to think of one for after that!
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