Legal Quandary

Friday, January 07, 2005

Dear Doctor,

Remember me? I was here a couple of weeks ago hacking up a lung and you told me it was viral and there was nothing you could do? Kind of like your office staff told me about having pink eye for more than a week. Coincidence? I think not!

At any rate, here I am again and I still feel like shit. Plus, I can barely swallow and it hurts to turn my head. I'm thinking it's strep throat, but I expect you'll think it's either a) a virus, or b) post nasal drip. And you will once again deny me the antibiotics I know I am entitled to.

Here's the deal, doc. I know many organizations have come out saying that it's actually worse to hand out antibiotics like candy because it breeds more resistant strains of bacteria. Yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. I deeply respect what you're trying to do for world health and all. Except that I don't because I also know that I used to feel better within a couple of days of going to the doctor. Which I kinda thought was the whole damned point. But, as always - what the hell do I know?

Here's my take on the matter. Have you all ever considered that after thousands of years of competing for victims, maybe the viruses and bacteria have gotten smart and figured out how to work together? I mean, I know it sounds implausible, since some of them are single celled organisms and all, but hear me out on this. Mr. Virus comes in and lowers my immunity, allowing Mr. Strep bacteria to come in and kick my ass. It makes perfect sense to me - and I would place the bulk of the blame on Mr. Virus. I think he's definitely the instigator of this little plot. After all, viruses can get into your DNA and change it, so they are obviously smarter than bacteria, those little opportunists.

Bottom line is that I'd like some effing antibiotics now.



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